Application for Foregin
Aide
Thank you for your interest in becoming an Alley of the United States of America and becoming an official receiver of US foregin Aide. All we ask before you begin your relations and enjoy the benefits of the package we offer, you must fill out the following form. If you have any questions, please look at the Frequently Asked Questions attached to this document.
Personal Information
First Name_______________________
Initial ____
Last Name _______________________
Age___
Please indicate your official title within your nation, faction or group.
__President
__Dictator
__King
__Duke or Prince
__Self proclaimed religious leader
__Islamic Radical
Please indicate your rank if it applies
__General
__LT
__Captain
__Comrade
__Classiefied
__Agent
__Tycoon
__President
__Don (Mob Boss)
__other (Please describe):_______________________________________
Please indicate your present mental
state, check all that appley
__Sane
__Mild skitzephranic episodes
__Illusions of grandeur
__Dress in clothing of opposite
gender <not a dis-qualifying factor>
__Sadist, Pedophile, zoophiliac
or other psycho-sexual disorder
__Sociopathic tendancies
__confused
__Denyal of reality
Have you ever had the tendancies
to commit the following?
__Run around the house naked
__Laugh at others in secret
__sexually explore yourself, or
others
__Commit genocide or homocide on
a grand scale
__Have a bad day/declair war on
smaller nation
__Extradite Jews or other cultures
__Attack smaller nations
__Dig mass-graves "just in case"
Please indicate which activites
you/your spouse or you cabinet are interested in.
__Golf
__Boating
__Watching TV
__Sabotage
__Billiards
__Exercise
__Propiganda
__Destabalizing
__Conspiring for domination
__Grand theft/massive defraud
__Gardening
__Crafts
__Smuggling
__Black Marketering
__Collectables/antiques
__Wines/Cheeses
__Interrogation/torture
__Crushing rebelions
__Espianage
__Reconnaisance
__Fashion Clothing
__Border Disputes
__The Occult
__Mutually Assured Destruction
__Randomly attacking civilians
__Political Purges
Does your military possess/use any
of the following.
__Color TV
__VCR
__ICBM's
__"Little Bastard" torture kit
__CD Player
__Surface-to-Air missiles
__Air-to-Air missiles
__Space Shuttle
__Home Computer
__Nuclear Weapons
__Stealth Air Craft
__Tactical Fighters
__Stratigic Bombers
Please describe the location of
your country.
__North American
__Central American
__South American/Disputed
__South American
__Europe
__Asia
__Oceanic
__Africa
__Disputed
__Rising Third/fourth Reich
__Unknown/classified
__Yet to be determind
__Island empire
Please indicate your governments
style.
__Capitalist
__Communist
__Monarchy
__Capitalist (Repressed)
__Islamic
__Crazed Islamic
__Nazi
__Fascist
__Islamic Other
__Despotist
__Religeuos Fundimentalist
__Feudalist
================================================
PLEASE INDICATE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING FEATURES YOUR NATIONS POSES'
Is your nation/organization located
near the following areas or nations?
__China
__Russia
__Middle East
__Central Asia
__South America
__Canada
__CBS
__Tropical Rainforest
__Volcano
__American Radar Base
__Russian Radar Base
__Chinesse Radar Base
Do you think your country would
be a prime sight for any of the following?
__Radar Base
__Air Force Base
__Army Base
__Naval Base
__Nuclear Missile Sight
__Nuclear Testing Sight
__CIA training grounds
__CIA Safe house
Would you or Your nation be interested
in the folloing programs?
__US Alley plane
__US Foreign Aide
__US Embassy
__UN Branch
__Becomming a US puppet state
__US trade programs
__Classified civilian abduction/experimentation
program
Thank You for contacting the US
Department of Foregin Affairs. Your applican will be processed immediately
so that you may benefit from becoming a US Alley as quickley as possible.
===================
Created bye DuckmanX and all that
stuff. Like? tell me, dont like? tell me :)
[email protected]
AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
Important! Important!
Please fill out and mail this card
within 10 days of purchase
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell
Douglas military aircraft. In
order to protect your new investment,
please take a few moments to
fill out the warranty registration
card below. Answering the survey
questions is not required, but
the information will help us to develop
new products that best meet your
needs and desires.
1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms.
_Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
First Name____________________Initial____Last
Name_________________________
Latitude________________________Longitude__________________________________
Altitude________________________Password,
Code Name, Etc.__________________
2. Which model aircraft did you
purchase?
_F-14 Tomcat
_F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-19A Stealth _Classified
3. Date of purchase: Month___________Day___________Year____________
4. Serial Number____________________
5. Please check where this product
was purchased:
_Received as Gift/Aid Package
_Catalog Showroom
_Sleazy Arms Broker
_Mail Order
_Discount Store
_Government Surplus
_Classified
_Russian Mob convoy
6. Please check how you became
aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you
have just purchased:
_Heard loud noise, looked up
_Store Display
_Espionage
_Recommended by friend/relative/ally
_Political lobbying by Manufacturer
_Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three
(3) factors which most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell
Douglas product:
_Style/Appearance
_Kickback/Bribe
_Recommended by salesperson
_Speed/Maneuverability
_Comfort/Convenience
_McDonnell Douglas Reputation
_Advanced Weapons Systems
_Price/Value
_Back-Room Politics
_Negative experience opposing one
in combat
8. Please check the location(s)
where this product will be used:
_North America
_Central/South America
_Aircraft Carrier
_Europe
_Middle East
_Africa
_Random populated areas
_Asia/Far East
_Misc. Third-World Countries
_Classified
9. Please check the products that
you currently own, or intend to purchase
in the near future:
Product
Own Intend to purchase
Color TV
VCR
ICBM
Killer Satellite
"Lil-bastard" torture kit
CD Player
Air-to-Air Missiles
Space Shuttle
Home Computer
Nuclear Weapon
F-22 or similar aircraft designs
10. How would you describe yourself
or your organization? Check all
that apply:
_Communist/Socialist
_Terrorist
_Crazed (Islamic)
_Crazed (Other)
_Neutral
_Struggling Fourth Riech
_Democratic
_Dictatorship
_Corrupt (Latin American)
_Corrupt (Other)
_Primitive/Tribal
_Totaliterrianistic Genocide Master
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell
Douglas product?
_Awarded in exchange for hostages
_Cash
_Suitcases of Cocaine
_Oil Revenues
_Deficit Spending
_Personal Check
_Credit Card
_Ransom Money
_Traveler's Check
_Other forms of fraud at the expense
of your subjects
12. Occupation
You Your Spouse
Homemaker
Sales/Marketing
Revolutionary
Clerical
Mercenary
Tyrant
Middle Management
Eccentric Billionaire
Defense Minister/General
Retired
Student
terrorist
Powerfull Don
13. To help us understand our Customers'
lifestyles, please indicate
the interests and activities in
which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
Activity/Interest
You Your Spouse
Golf
Boating/Sailing
Sabotage
Running/Jogging
Propaganda/Disinformation
Destabilizing/Overthrow
Default on Loans
Gardening
Crafts
Black Market/Smuggling
Collectibles/Collections
Watching Sports on TV
Wines
Interrogation/Torture
Household Pets
Crushing Rebellions
Espionage/Reconnaissance
Fashion Clothing
Border Disputes
Mutually Assured Destruction
Random Strikes on unsuspecting
civilians
Also, to aide in future aircraft
design, please inform us of any of the
fallowing malfunctions or occurances
you see while in mid-flight. Check
all that apply:
Pink bunnies cris-crossing the sky
Strange beeping sounds from the
SAM detector
Enemy interceptors
Missles only target on school children
Cant seem to find the "end game"
key
Strange sounds on the radio, "What
the hell are you doing? They're on
our side!"
Air-miles card not accepted in
former Soviet Republics
Aircraft does not slow down to
land
Green Leprechauns on the heads-up
display
Jumbo-jets costantly invading your
airspace
Missles require manual guidance
Denied landings in recently bombed
countries.
Thanks for taking the time to fill
out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market
studies that will help McDonnell
Douglas serve you better in the
future -- as well as allowing you to
receive mailings and special offers
from other companies, governments,
extremist groups, and mysterious
consortia.
Comments or suggestions about our
fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis, MO 55500
Application to Live in West Virginia
Name:__________________________ Nickname:_________________________________
CB Handle:_____________________
Address (RFD No.):_________________--_____________________________________
Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects):______________________________________
Mamma:_________________________
Neck Shade: _____Light Red _____Medium Red _____Dark Red
Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_____ Lower_____
Name of Pickup owned:_______________ Height of Truck__________
Truck equipped with:
____Gun Rack
____4-Wheel Drive ____Confederate Flag
____Cassette Deck
____Load of Wood ____Hijacker
Shocks
____Radar Detector
____Mag Wheels ____Dual
CB Antennas
____Spittoon
____Camper Top ____Air
Horns
____Mud Flaps
____Toothpick Holder ____Mud-Grip Tires
____Raccoon Hide
____Big Dog
Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck:_____
BUMPER STICKERS:
____Eat more Possum
____My other car is a piece of shit too
____Honk if you love Jesus
____If you ain't a cowboy you aint shit
____Redman Chewing Tobacco
Define the following (must be 90% correct):
1. Grits
6. Sawmill Gravy 11. Cobbler
16. Tater
2. Goobers
7. Turnip Salad 12. Fatback
17. Pig Skins
3. Pinto Beans 8. Shit-on-a-Shingle
13. Tote 18. Okrie
4. Collards
9. Redeye Gravy 14. Chickin'
Fry19. Shonuf
5. Sidemeat
10. Soppin' Syrup 15. Poke
20. Chitlins
Favorite Vocalist:
____Reba McEntire
____Conway Twitty ____Loretta Lynn
____Hank Williams Jr.
____Randy Travis ____Ray Wylie
Hubbard
____Tammy Wynette
____Slim Whitman ____Porter Wagoner
____Willie Nelson
____George Jones ____Box Car
Willie
Favorite Recreation:
____Square Dancin'
____Possum Huntin' ____Skinny Dippin'
____Craw Daddin'
____Gospel Singin' ____4-Wheelin'
____Drankin'
____Spittin' Backy ____Bill Chip Throwin'
____Honky Tonkin'
____Noodlin'
____Other
Name of Son(s): ____Bubba ____Jim Bob ____LeeRoy ____J.D.
Name of Daughter(s): ____PammySue ____Violet ____Paulette ____Daisy
Weapons Owned:
___Deer Rifle
___Sawed-Off Shotgun ___Varmint Rifle ___Log Cabin
___Tire Iron
___Power Chain Saw ___Pick Handle ___Hick'ry
Switch
Number of Dogs:____
Type: ___Blue Tick ___Beagle
___Black & Tan ___Bird Dawg
Cap Emblem:
___John Deer ___McCullock Chain Saws ___Budweiser
___Vo-Tech ___Skoal
___Coors
___NAPA ___Smile if You're
Not Wearing Underwear
Number of Dependents: Legal:________ Claimed:_________
Number of Weeks Unemployed:__________
Number of Welfare Checks Received:____________
Memberships:
___KKK
___NRA ___Moose
___PTL Club ___AA
___Bass Club
___VFW ___Quiltin'
Bee ___American Legion
___United Sons n' Daughters
of the Confederacy
___John Birch Society
Length of Right leg:________ Length of Left leg:__________
Does your truck contain some
part painted the offical state color of
Primer Red? ___Yes
___No
How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?_______
How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?__________
Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?____________
Do you own any shoes? ____Yes ____No If yes, how many?__________
What year did you last purchase shoes?_________________
Are you married to any of the following:
____Sister ____Cousin ____Sow
Do you know her name?________________
Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?____________
Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?____________
Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?________________
If so, why?________________________________________________
Can you count: Past 10 with your shoes on?_________________
Do you know any words that have more than four letters?__________________
Have you ever had more than one bath in a week?__________________________
Medical Information:
Do you have at least two of the following:
___BO
___Head Lice ___Rabies
___Trench Mouth ___Runny
Nose ___Bad Breath
Sexual Data:
Have you ever had sex with the following?
___Uncle ___Older Brother
___Younger Brother
___Older Sister ___Younger
Sister ___Mom/Dad
___Sheep ___Cousins
___Neighbours Dog
___Pig ___Girl
Named Betsy ___Nirghbours Kids
___Yourself in the Barn
___Chickens in the Barn
IF YOUR APPLICATION IS TURNED
DOWN BY THE STATE OF WEST VIRGINIA, YOU MAY BE
ELIGIBLE IN THE STATES OF
ARKANSAS. THEIR STANDARDS ARE SLIGHTLY LOWER.
HOWEVER, YOU WOULD STILL
BE ABLE TO VISIT WEST VIRGINIA.